


Hello From The Other Side

by certainshadeofred



Series: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 04:49:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5192939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/certainshadeofred/pseuds/certainshadeofred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Zayn rubbed his face with his hand, before dropping it into his lap. “Sorry, Li. I can call back…you know, when you’re awake.”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“I’m awake now, Zayn. And I guess you didn’t call just to chat?” Liam mumbled, and Zayn could picture the furrow of his brow, the way Liam’s full pink lips would settle into a slight frown. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>He was going to hell, he was sure of it.</i>
</p>
<p>[or, the one where Zayn finally plucks up the courage to call Liam and give him the real reason he left the band]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hello From The Other Side

**Author's Note:**

> lyrics: Adele 'Hello'

The sun setting over the ocean seemed to settle everything in Zayn’s flat in beautiful washes of orange, pinks and reds, as if he was in a living, breathing watercolour painting. He enjoyed the sunsets here- they were never short of breathtaking.

He sat on the balcony, feet propped up on the railing, his phone settled in his lap. It had been a long day of recording and styling, and today of all days: he was feeling it. It seeped deep into his bones and made him ache. Especially after a conversation with Caroline, who’d shown him an interview from Louis and Liam – and a question about him.

It hit him, hard.

Not that he expected the boys to be sad about him leaving forever. He thought about it for _months_ after everything had happened- after sitting them all down in his hotel room, to tell them he couldn’t do this anymore: that he couldn’t be Zayn from One Direction anymore.

And as much as it had killed him to do it – he knew he had hurt Liam the most.

_“What can I do, Z?” Liam had begged, once it was just them – standing outside on a balcony at their hotel in the Philippines. The other three had gone off to their respective spaces – but Liam had stayed. “What can I say to change your mind? We can go to management, we can…”_

_Zayn had shaken his head, turning to his best friend of five years, and wish he hadn’t. Liam’s eyes were filed with unshed tears, and the walls Zayn had built up to protect himself in this moment were starting to feel unsteady. “Li – this isn’t something that can be fixed. I just…I don’t feel it anymore.” He’d said quietly, drawing his hand back and forth against his own jaw. “It’s not you – or the boys. It’s this need to be on – all the time. And I can’t do it anymore.” His voice broke at the last word, and within seconds, Liam had his arms around him, enveloping him in a warm embrace._

_Zayn wrapped his own arms around Liam’s middle, and pressed his face into his chest. He smelled of cigarettes, cologne, and sweat – a scent that was uniquely Liam. “I’ll support you, one-hundred-percent, Zayn. Always.” He’d murmured into his hair…_

Six days after that, he was on a plane back to London with a suitcase full of memories, and a heart full of lead.

He knew Caroline was only looking out for him: she always was. She knew him better than most – understood his moods and his need to have peace and quiet. Having her with him through all of this was a blessing. When she showed him the video, she squeezed his shoulder, before drawing her fingers through his thick mass of hair.

“You should call him.” She said quietly, a sad smile on her lips. “He probably wouldn’t mind having a familiar voice to talk to right now.”

Liam. It seemed that things had been rough for him these past two weeks. With being hospitalized and cancelling a show – something they’d _never_ done before. Not when Zayn’s grandfather or aunt had passed away, not for anything – and the rumour of him and Sophia ending their relationship, he could only imagine what he was going through.

That’s why now, Zayn was sitting on his balcony – watching the sunset over the waves, breathing in the warm, salty air, with his phone in his lap, and twitchy fingers. He should call - he knew he should – he just wasn’t sure what he would say.

_**Hello, it’s me** _  
_**I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet** _  
_**To go over everything** _  
_**They say that time’s supposed to heal ya** _  
_**But I ain’t done much healing.** _

What did you say to someone you’d not really talked to properly in almost 5 months?

He craved a cigarette, or a joint – anything to calm the erratic thump of his heart. He’d promised his mum that he’d cut back on smoking, and he’d been good so far – less than six a day, even. He picked up his phone and entered his passcode, ignoring the pounding of blood in his ears while he pulled up his contacts.

He had to smile slightly at the nickname Liam had put in for himself – Big Payno. Such an adorable idiot.

His thumb hovered over the little green button, and before he totally lost his nerve, he pressed down on it, and his breath caught. Shit. What time was it even in the UK? 3 AM? Liam was going to kill him.

Probably deserved it.

_**Hello, can you hear me?** _  
_**I’m in California dreaming about who we used to be** _  
_**When we were younger and fee** _  
_**I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet** _

_**There’s such a difference between us  
And a million miles ** _

The phone rang 5 times before Liam picked up. There was rustling, and a deep sigh, before a sleep-heavy ‘’Lo?” Came from the Wolverhampton boy.

“Liam…” Zayn breathed.

A pause. More rustling. “Zayn?”

Zayn sucked his lower lip between his teeth for a moment. He’d fucking woke him up. This was selfish. “Yeah, yeah mate it’s me.” He finally murmured, smacking his free hand over his eyes. He could just picture Liam, sitting up in his bed in his hotel room, rumpled sheets and hair, looking very confused.

“Wha…what’sa matter? Why’re you calling so early?”

Zayn felt his heart skip a beat. Liam. Always trying to be the saviour. Even after all this time.

“Nothing – nothing is the matter, Li. I just…” He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I missed your voice, is all. Stupid, yeah?”

The pause was longer then. If it wasn’t for Liam’s breathing – Zayn would have thought he’d hung up on him. He probably deserved it.

“You donut.” Liam said, his voice laced with fondness, and exhaustion. “Still not able to figure out time zones?”

Zayn rubbed his face with his hand, before dropping it into his lap. “Sorry, Li. I can call back…you know, when you’re awake.”

“I’m awake now, Zayn. And I guess you didn’t call just to chat?” Liam mumbled, and Zayn could picture the furrow of his brow, the way Liam’s full pink lips would settle into a slight frown.

He was going to hell, he was sure of it.

_**Hello from the other side**_  
_**I’ve must’ve called a thousand times**_  
_**To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done**_  
_**But when I call you never seem to be home**_  
  
_**Hello from the outside**_  
_**At least I can say that I’ve tried**_  
_**To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart**_  
_**But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart**_  
_**Anymore**_

“I’m sorry.” He blurted out, scaring even himself. “’m sorry for everything that happened, and how it all went down. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t sleep…I…” He dragged fingers through his hair, pulling on it slightly. “I couldn’t be around you anymore.”

“What?” Liam asked quietly. “What do you mean you couldn’t be around me anymore?”

What? Shit. Zayn wished he could take the words back the moment he said them.

“Liam, I…”

“No. No you don’t get to backtrack now, Zayn.” Liam’s voice was firmer now. “We go months without talking- with me thinking you’ve forgotten all about us – about _me_ – and you drop that bombshell? Spit it out, or so help me, I’ll hang up…”

“It wasn’t just about performing, or wanting to go my own way, Liam.” Zayn cut him off, dropping his feet from the railing. “They were big factors, yes – but, my feelings towards you were never just _platonic_ and the last thing I wanted was to make things awkward or ruin something we had all worked _so hard_ on. And I was already in shit with Perrie, and management…” He was babbling now – his heart now lying on the floor, ready to be stomped on. “And I had thought about calling you a thousand times – fuck, at the beginning I _did_ – under a different number- to explain all of this to you, to make you really understand.” He took a shaky breath. “That I’ve had feelings for my best mate for 5 years.”

_**Hello, how are you?** _  
_**It’s so typical of me to talk about myself, I’m sorry** _  
_**I hope that you’re well** _  
_**Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened?** _

_**It’s no secret that the both of us  
Are running out of time ** _

It was at least a full minute of silence – but it felt like an eternity. Zayn had royally fucked up this conversation – and there was no going back from this. He half expected Liam to start screaming at him- call him every bad name under the sun. He’d watched Liam grow up so much over the past few months. He was the glue of the band, and he also became his own person.

He wished he’d been there in person to watch Liam bloom.

“Well…this is unexpected.” Liam finally said, and it made Zayn wince. “Why didn’t you just…talk to me, Zayn? Why didn’t you say something? We could’ve…we could have made it work. You didn’t need to leave me – I mean, us. The band. We would’ve helped you. Supported you.”

Zayn closed his eyes. “I was under a lot of pressure – stress. It wasn’t like I was thinking clearly. I had just come to realization about my own being – I wasn’t really ready to explain it to everyone else. I wasn’t ready for you to totally hate me.”

“But I was your best friend.” Liam said quietly. “It killed me to see you like that, Zayn. I felt helpless. And I could’ve helped.”

_Was._

“Besides – how could you know what _I_ was feeling, or how I would’ve reacted – when you didn’t give me the courtesy of making that decision on my own?” Liam continued when Zayn was still mulling over the fact that he’d said he _was_ his best friend. “You didn’t give me many options, Z.”

Zayn blew out a breath and got up from his chair. The sun had fully set now, and his apartment was now washed in grays and blues, the sky a brilliant shade of navy, a smattering of stars glittering in the early dusk. “I know. And looking back on it now, I would have done it all differently. I just – I didn’t know me yet, Li. It wasn’t you. It wasn’t something you could’ve fixed.”

Liam chuckled, but there was no humour in it. “I don’t think you’re really getting what I just said.”

_**So hello from the other side** _  
_**I must’ve called a thousand times** _  
_**To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done** _  
_**But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart** _  
_**Anymore** _

_**Hello from the other side** _  
_**I’ve must’ve called a thousand times** _  
_**To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done** _  
_**But when I call you never seem to be home** _

Zayn’s brow puckered in thought, then realization dawned on him. He pulled the phone away from his cheek for a moment, gripping it in his hand tight, looking down at it, as if he was trying to see Liam through it.

“Zayn? You still there?”

He brought the phone back up to his ear, and shook his head. “I really am sorry, Leeyum.” He said quietly. “I had wanted to tell you so many times – but something always stopped me. Maybe because I truly wasn’t comfortable in my skin, and didn’t want to face rejection.”

“You really are an idiot, Zayn.” Liam laughed. “I wonder when you’ll get it…..”

Zayn smiled slightly. “Probably never. I’ve royally fucked this up, yeah?”

“Depends, I guess.” Came the quiet reply. “Zayn, I need to get back to bed. It’s kind of been a shit week, and this…I need time to process, ok?”

“I…yeah. Shit – Liam, I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything. If you want to talk tomorrow, I’ve got the day off – and we can talk.” He said, gripping the railing. “If you want.”

“Mmmm.” Liam murmured, and there was a rustling again – and Zayn could picture him settling back down in his bed. “If I want. Maybe. It was good to hear your voice, Zayn.”

“Yours too, Li. Goodnight, babe.” He cringed as he let the term of endearment slip from his lips. Fuckin’ idiot.

“Night, Z.”

**_Hello from the outside_ **  
**_At least I can say that I’ve tried_ **  
**_To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart_ **  
**_But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart_ **  
**_Anymore_ **

He ended the call and stuffed his phone into his back pocket, before turning to head back into his flat. Rhino looked up from his bed, and he bent down to kiss the puppy’s head, giving him a snuggle for a moment, before straightening up once more. He felt – not relief, because whatever just happened was not relieving in any way, shape or form – but like there was a weight off him. He’d told Liam how he felt. Apologized for his wrongs, and how he went about everything in the beginning. He’d tried to make things right.

He could only go from there.

He padded to the kitchen to find a takeaway menu, when his phone buzzed twice. He fished it from his pocket and sucked in a breath when he noted who the messages were from.

They were from Liam.

**This Sat. Ticket under ur pen name @ willcall.  
Make me believe x**


End file.
